Inspiration is every where yet what we see often depends on what it is we're looking for. However, on rare occasion, what we're looking for is blocked by what we're looking at... and that is when magic happens.
The magic of truth. The magic of clarity.
Some may call it fate or luck or happen-stance while others will convince you it's all part of God's plan. Regardless of the label given, everything happens for a reason.
It's almost impossible to find more truth in any other statement.
This blog was started to necessitate a creative release that seemed to be missing from my life. Ever since I was young, I wanted nothing more than to be a writer. Novels. Short stories. Poems. Every night when my head touched the pillow and my eye lids embraced, I would see an endless supply of letters that formed words and constructed sentences that filled pages. It was my lullaby. Or maybe it was my insomnia as I often found myself writing in the middle of the night under my covers by the glow of a flashlight.
Somewhere along the way, I allowed life to become my distraction instead of my inspiration and got swept up in the current. I lost that flashlight and found myself in a world of darkness. I didn't write. I didn't write anything. For years, I've been at sea with the waves of the corporate world crashing around me in desperate search of a life raft. Little did I know, she was by my side the whole time... all I needed to do was reach out.
If our daughter, Madison, can be defined as the heart of our home then my wife is the pulse that runs through it. Allison has been there for me practically half my life; we've been together almost 13 years (married for nearly 5 of those) and to give her the cliche saying that she's my better half is an understatement. She encouraged me to write again. She encouraged me to start this blog to rediscover the freedom I found in the words I use.
As she does every day since we've met, Allison breathed the life back into me. She saved me.
Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of what this blog was intended for and blindly went in a direction that seemed to be more light-hearted and fun. Or so I thought. In reality, the path I took was insincere and ridiculous, misguided and passionless (i.e. this and this or here and here). While sarcastic wit and dry humor are undoubtedly part of my personality, my writing voice they do not always accompany and they certainly do not account for the whole.
I was trying to write what I imagined people wanted to read. I was attempting to write the way I thought was entertaining. I was wrong. I realize now I was trying too hard. I forced myself to post things that I wasn't proud of and when reading them back cringed in shame that someone may have actually read them.
I missed the days when the words came naturally and flowed from my mind to my fingertips like a waterfall crashing in a cloud of mist onto the paper. I questioned myself with every post written... have I lost it? Why isn't it as easy as it used to be? Did I wait too long? How do I get it back?
Then it happened. That moment when what I was looking at overshadowed what I was looking for and the two became one. Truth. Clarity. Allison and I watched a movie called The Words and I found the inspiration I'd been craving for months. In a story of an aspiring novelist desperately searching for his voice, I realized I was doing the same.
It's not always how the words are combined, but more so what the words are saying. Content. Heart. The words have to mean something. This epiphany may seem like an obvious assessment, but to me it was the light I had been searching for... that flashlight under the covers responsible for lighting my youth.
Going forward, I intend to share only the things that matter the most to me. After all, if I can't find myself in the words I'm writing how can I expect anyone else to? I thought about deleting all previous posts, but decided against it as I consider them an integral part of this journey.
A journey of a story made up entirely of my own words that, hopefully, will inspire someone else.
In the end, if one knows what they're looking for then maybe they can allow themselves to see it.